The first person to test positive for HIV in Vietnam was in Ho Chi Minh City in 1990, an unidentified woman who is still alive. She tells Tuoi Tre about her struggles to survive since, a tale of hope that will surely inspire other people with HIV not to give up.
When I was 20 I fell in love with a Vietnamese dancer who was living in Europe. We cherished our love through letters in 10 years. In 1989 he came to Vietnam for our engagement.
I knew he had been in several relationships earlier, but I did not ask him about them. In late 1990, when I underwent medical tests to go abroad with him, I was told that I had HIV.
I did not know what HIV was. It was painful to know that I would not be allowed to go out of the country and had only six months to 12 years to live.
The newspapers ran stories about me, the first HIV case in Vietnam, with my name being written in abbreviations. My relatives, friends, and neighbors figured out it was me. Some were indifferent and others, sympathetic. Some thought I had a debauched lifestyle or been harmed by someone.
I though it was lucky that my parents were not alive: they could not have borne the pain.
I planned once to commit suicide but my passion for living overcame the thought. I spent a lot of time going to pagodas, listening to Buddhist prayers, and fasting.
I had another reason to live: I was the only child and had to take care of the house my parents left for me.
But things were not easy. Neighbors discriminated against me, some were nasty to me. I was forced to sell the house and move to another district.
Four years later I was broken-hearted to learn my ex-fiancé had died of AIDS and his ash had been brought back to Vietnam.
I stood before his grave, blaming him for leaving me to struggle on my own. I constantly saw him in my dreams.
I underwent periodical health checks and began to take a specific course of medicine from January 1997. I had fever and chill every time I took the drugs. There was no one except the doctors beside me to reassure me. There were days I was so exhausted that I was ready to die. “I’m not afraid of dying! I’m ready to reunite with Mom and Dad!” I told myself.
After surviving this tough period, I decided to change. I tried to take my medicine on time, forget about the past, and focus on my life. I worked at a lot of jobs to earn a living and went through many ups and downs. But at least I was busy and so did not have time to fret about my condition.
To smile
I was an optimistic person. But when I was young, I did not realize it would be extremely lonely when one grows older. I had to do all my work by myself; I was afraid I would die someday when no one was around.
There were some guys who wanted to start a relationship with me. But when I told them I had HIV, most were shocked. Some left me, some stayed back, but I realized my dream of becoming a mother would remain just that.
Currently, I have a job that gives me a chance to meet people. After work, I usually go out with friends or to pagodas. A lot of friends know I have HIV.
My story is usually held up as an example by doctors to encourage their HIV patients. Many times when I wait for my turn at the hospital, I would hear other patients talk about an HIV-infected woman who is still alive after 20 years. I would stand up and tell them it is me.
I tell them to be optimistic and follow what the doctors say. I once met a woman who tried to kill herself after being abandoned by her husband.
I am proud that I have managed to live for the last 20 years, struggling both with HIV and to make a living.
I think life has been kind to me. So I will smile back at life.
No comments:
Post a Comment